The Optimist Diaries, Pt. 3 - Death

Andrew Lee • May 5, 2023

A series of posts designed to move you towards optimism



8 min read


There's a lot of heavy stuff going on in the world today - it's easy to feel pessimistic about the way things are heading.


When people hear me talk about the state of the world, I may sound like a pessimist. However, deep down I am an optimist. Why? It's simple.


The truth will set you free.


The truth is ugly. But perhaps uglier is the fact we've been hiding from and denying it our entire lives. By embracing and accepting the truth, we can free up all that energy used to hide and deny, and use it to transform ourselves and the world around us. On the other side of the ugliness is lightness and joy.


In the third installment of The Optimist Diaries I will be discussing death.


Death Denial


Death is... A morbid topic. Better not to talk about it, right?


Most people don't realize the pall that the specter of death casts over their daily lives. For many, their fear of death prevents them from living a true, authentic life. Once death comes knocking at their door, only then do they realize they never truly lived. There are only two emotions - Love and Fear. Or at least every other emotion originates from one of them. The root of Death Denial is fear. The fear of dying or serious injury prevents many from taking any risks and getting out of their comfort zone.


Fear of death is evident in our funeral ceremonies. Families do everything they can to extend the "life" of their deceased through the use of embalming, makeup, and above all, burial in a casket in order to preserve the body. At the funeral, only black is permitted to be worn, and only sadness is permitted to be expressed. This sadness is a projection by the attendees of fear of their own death.


Personal Legend


I believe we are all here to "live our story." In other words, we all have a destiny that we are meant to follow.


I just reread The Alchemist, and it explains this concept beautifully. The author Paulo Coelho calls this destiny one's Personal Legend. In the story, a king named Melchizedek introduces the concept: "Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend."


Later on in the story, the alchemist appears and validates this theory, "When a person really desires something, the universe conspires to help that person realize his dream." The main character, a wandering shepherd, is taught by the alchemist to listen deeply to his heart. It is here his dream and Personal Legend resides.


In my own words, we are here to live our story. However, growing up, we are programmed with layers of fear and social conditioning that prevent us listening to our hearts and knowing what our story is.


Approaching the age of 40, I already feel like I have lived my story. And there is much more to live, of my own story to write. However, because up until now I have lived my story, I have fulfilled much of my purpose of being here on earth, and I believe that if I were to die tomorrow, I would be ready, and do so with inner peace. It pains me to think how many get old and realize they have not lived their story, their souls filled with the heavy burden of regret.


To quote Thoreau, "Oh to reach the point of death only to realize one has not lived at all."


Captain Fantastic


One of my favourite movie scenes of all time comes from Captain Fantastic, a movie about a man who raises his children in the woods away from American society. It is a great parody on the excess and fallacy of consumerism in America.


Spoiler Alert! In the movie's final scene the family conducts a funeral ceremony for the deceased mother. It starts with heartfelt words, followed by a sad song sung played by the husband and their children. However, as soon as the sad song ends, the whole family breaks out into happy song, dancing and joyous celebration of the mother's life, as her colourfully wrapped body is burned and cremated.


This scene upended the narrative of death for me. It taught me that funerals don't have to be sad. It taught me that life is a beautiful gift, and that a life lived well is one that should be celebrated.


At a deeper level it taught me that we live a life with perceived dualities and yet all is one. Without death there is no life worth living, without shadows there would be no light, without loss there would not be gratitude. Each depends on the other, to deny one is to deny both, and developing a relationship with both dualities bring them closer together into one's heart. Without coming to terms with death we cannot appreciate and have gratitude for the life that we live.


I find it humorous how much of society yearns for immortality. Imagine achieving immortality, and then starting to get bored 1,000 years in. So... Now what?


Top 5 Regrets of The Dying


Taken from this article about a book with the same name:


  1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard
  3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier


These are all embarrassingly simple regrets. Many of these regrets speak to a lack of authenticity or autonomy. Our  autonomy has been taken away from us by social conditioning by the system.


Notice how people don't wish they bought a nicer car or watched more TV, things our system of capitalism really provides for us. Capitalism capitalizes immensely on fear and death denial. Instead of allowing people to seek a true and authentic life, it sells people a false sense of authenticity and happiness through their products. Consumer goods not only fill the void of authenticity, many of them provide more comfort, creating a vicious circle of dependence on consumerism to nurture one's authenticity and material needs, creating mental and physical illness.


We need to rewrite the story of Consumption vs. Creation. I believe we are all here to create, not consume. Creating from our heart builds true authenticity, while consuming only masks it. Near our death many of us realize how brainwashed we've been our whole lives, and that while Capitalism has given us many riches, its role in our lives is excessive and intrinsically unfulfilling. The things that make us truly happy don't come from Capitalism, they come from the Heart - human connection and courage.



Death Revolution


The rising tide of consciousness is bringing us spiritually closer to death. By facing up to our own death, we see life as a beautiful gift and realize what truly makes us happy vs what does not serve. They're the things money can't buy - human connection and courage.


There is a growing movement in Canada to bring psilocybin therapy to people on their deathbeds. Case studies have showed that patients find inner peace, which ripples outward to grieving family members. Showing that it's never too late to come to terms with your death.


Due to lack of environmental capacity, leading to greater environmental compassion, there is a growing green burial movement, where one can be buried without a casket into a natural environment in a way where one's body can biodegrade quickly and nourish its local habitat.


Following on the theme in my first installment of The Optimist Diaries on Healing, if you can face the hard truths around death, you can release all the energy that has kept you locked up in fear and denial, freeing up that energy for the things that more deeply and sustainably nourish you in your life. At some point you're going to have to do it - the earlier you do, the better the rest of your life will be.




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"People shouldn't be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people." This phrase from my favourite movie alludes to the fact that the people should be the prevailing force that keeps their government in check. At some point a government becomes too big and starts looking after its own interests, no longer serving the needs of the people it was created for. Governments have long been the dominant organizations of the 20th century. In the 21st century technology corporations are eclipsing governments. Rapidly advancing technology has increased not only the influence of these national and multinational organizations, but their ability to monopolize even more power. When organizations reach a certain size, just like governments, they no longer act to serve the people, but their own interests. T here are plenty of examples of this throughout history. Facebook was recently exposed, when a former employee and whistleblower testified to the US Senate that the company repeatedly faced conflict of interests over profits versus reducing division, and always put profit first. Polarization for Profit How was FB able to do this? Typically if a company was exposed for not serving its customers' best interests, customers would take their business elsewhere. But with social media, there is almost nowhere else to go. FB has cornered the market, and intentionally bought or squashed competitors to cement its dominance in the space. Undermining free market principles has allowed FB to serve its own interests over the interests of its customers. They are maximizing their profit by allowing dishonest science to go viral, and allowing divide and conquer to occur. Facebook isn't the only big tech company guilty of this activity. Google, Microsoft and Apple have been sued for antitrust actions . And big tech isn't the only corporate sector valuing profit over people. Nearly all the largest corporations are guilty of some sort of fraudulent behavior, whether it's big oil, big pharma, big agriculture or big food. Governments are not only complicit in allowing corporate abuse to occur, they are often hand-in-hand with corporations and mainstream media. I've seen this first-hand with my experience at the Fairy Creek Blockade , the largest act of civil disobedience in Canadian history, preventing old growth logging on Vancouver Island. On the ground at Fairy Creek I've witnessed a coming together of some of the most beautiful and inspiring humans, passionately protecting the environment against corrupt political leader Premier Horgan, who went back on his word to stop old growth logging. In the news, however, there's little to no coverage of the events, and what coverage there is, is highly skewed against the protesters. It was here where my direct experience caused me to lose faith in mainstream media, and to see how they are under the sway of existing power structures. To see how they would take certain photos or video snippets and portray them in a different light, to make protesters appear irresponsible or incompetent. Or to portray the Premier's words and actions as if he was resolving the issue, when in reality he was deceiving the public. The Psychology of Polarization So why, on a psychological level, is polarization catalyzed by social media? It's quite simple really. Technology has eroded the quality of communication between people. There is a richness to face-to-face communication that cannot be conveyed. Studies have shown that 90% of communication is nonverbal (body language and voice tone), meaning only 10% of communication is through words alone. Words alone are such a poor quality of communication that they do not properly express the author's full meaning, and are too easily misinterpreted by the reader due to their own biases. This is especially true with words on a screen, transmitted through instant messages or social media posts. And yet it has become the most dominant form of communication due to its convenience. How many times did you misinterpret a text or a social media post, and respond with a critical comment? How often did this needlessly escalate into a full blown conflict? It happened quite a bit in the past with me, and I eventually learned to resolve disagreements with a phone call or meeting face-to-face. Unfortunately, too many people rely on texting because they have gotten too used to it and have lost their ability and initiative to resolve conflicts in person. Humans are still wired for face-to-face communication, and this is particularly necessary when resolving conflicts. Today, we are creating conflicts through texting and comments on social media posts. This is a recipe for disaster, a vicious cycle of misinterpretation where one comment blows up into massive conflicts. And, as mentioned in the previous section, Facebook is aware that this is happening on their platform, and instead of working to resolve it, they are exacerbating the problem. But the sole goal, the very existence of a corporation, is profit. Any non-financial consequence is a mere externality. Bridging the Communication Gap Seeing the bigger picture isn't easy. It takes a trauma-informed understanding of how the world got this way, in order to move forward with nonviolent solutions that bring people together, not further apart. The majority of people are living in fear. Their nervous systems are constantly in hypervigilance, meaning they are on edge, ready to engage in fight or flight. Showing them disagreeable information will only trigger their fight or flight, and potentially start a vicious cycle of arguing. People living in this way carry a narrowed perspective, focusing only on survival, and are thus unable to see the bigger picture. In order to engage with people on the other side of the coin, social media is not the answer because its low quality medium of communication creates further division. What's needed is the exact opposite . The one antidote in a time of such extreme polarization and division is face-to-face conversations with those we disagree with. This is also exactly what is being discouraged by the pandemic. Mask mandates have undermined our ability to see and read facial gestures. Closures of small businesses and gathering places have prevented the opportunities for holding the gatherings and face-to-face conversations needed to bridge this gap. It is critical to be able to spend time with people we don't know in order to break down each other's walls, and eventually feel safe sharing information without feeling antagonized. The Way Forward More and more people out there are realizing deep down that not all is as it seems. If I have a plea to you, it is, against all odds, to take the courageous step to gather with people and have face-to-face conversations again. If you can do this with people you already feel safe with and who share your views, then do this with people who you don't agree with. Start by smiling at strangers outdoors. Engage in friendly conversation. Unmasked people have been framed as antagonists. If you are brave enough to go into indoor businesses without masks, smiling at people completely disarms their hypervigilance. This is exactly what I have been doing, and the vast majority of my interactions have been positive or innocuous. I've had people smile back at me and acknowledge my bravery, and others follow my lead and take off their mask. Unmasked and smiling, you are a shining light, a warrior. You are an inspiration to others who sense something is wrong but are too afraid to act out against the narrative. Even if you have confrontations, smiling and holding your head high, proves to the confronters that you are a compassionate individual. Not only are you disarming the narrative, but you are disarming nervous systems. I certainly have had a few business owners ask me to put on a mask or leave, and obliged their concerns with a smile. If conflicts occur through your social media platforms, engage directly with others through phone calls or voice messages. This has been my most effective tool for deescalating conflicts. However, I choose phone calls and voice messages over texting more and more often these days in general, because my friends and I value the richness of expressing in voice and hearing each other's voices. Polarization is one of the greatest invisible threats to society, preventing people from uniting in action against tangible and urgent threats. It is up to all of us individually to overcome these barriers, through gathering and having face-to-face conversations again, with those we do and do not share views with.
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At the beginning of 2021 I declared that I would get off Facebook by the end of the year, in my blog here . I am now one month away and fully ready to honour my declaration. I am prepared for this eventuality, as I have had practice at being without social media. Throughout the past several years I had many social media detoxes, ranging from one to six months. There were several reasons for them, but they all connect and overlap - to reset myself, wean my addiction, and to learn how to live in the present moment and focus on face-to-face connection. These detoxes have always been very powerful. I feel like I'm stepping out of a haze, able to see more clearly. And stunned how I became so embedded in such a hazy reality, only able to notice once I stepped away from it. When I rediscover such level of presence I wonder to myself whether I could possibly fully wean myself off of social media technology, and maintain this state more fully. I know people that don't own either laptops or cellphones, or both, and they are the most present and pleasant to be around. A Blessing and a Curse Technology really is a tremendous blessing and curse. When you adopt new technologies you, in a way, are signing a deal with the devil. You unlock unbelievable powers of productivity, but become entrapped in a system chronically maladaptive to human health, and a vicious cycle predicated on ever growing demands on said productivity. Perfection and efficiency become mirages perpetually beyond grasp. In recent years more of social media technology's curses than blessings have come to light for me. The first light shed on such curses was through articles about how big tech has gotten too big. All of the major tech companies have been subject to major lawsuits for antitrust activities, unfairly squashing competition and maintaining a stranglehold on market dominance, as elucidated in my blog at the beginning of the year, linked at the top of this blog. This issue is not isolated to tech companies, but is present across all major industrial sectors such as big oil, food, pharma and natural resources, such as logging, which I experienced firsthand at Fairy Creek . The corruption of not only major corporations, but any large organization including governments, is a reflection of humans' inability to handle power over others, which I wrote about in this blog . We cannot run from this realization anymore. Large power structures preside over and dominate almost every aspect of our lives. The first step is to become aware of this. To realize with real eyes. The next step is to take action - to reduce our dependence on these large power structures. Profit Over Peace The further we isolate behind screens and depend on robotic algorithms to determine our social interactions, the more we hunker into our siloes and lose our capacity to communicate face-to-face and resolve conflict with each other, plunging us into loneliness and depression. This ever growing divide and epidemic of mental health is intentionally exacerbated by FB, as recently exposed by a whistleblower . FB incorporates algorithms that enable posts to go viral, which don't exclude posts with extreme hate or intentionally misleading propaganda. In fact, such posts tend to go viral and are catalyzed by these algorithms. This has become apparent during the pandemic, the most divisive time in human history. FB, with its market dominance, can influence the fate of such global issues. So what does it do? It worsens these issues in the name of profit! In a time where division is at an all time high, and our ability to resolve conflict through face-to-face communication has been eroded by social media, exacerbated by big tech, it is time to wean our dependency, walk away from big tech and find alternative community-oriented solutions. It is more important than ever, against mounting odds, to meet face-to-face with people of diverse walks of life, and who hold both shared and conflicting views. Holding physical space for each other is what's needed to overcome our differences. I wrote more deeply about this division by social media in a recent blog . It is time for me to walk the talk, lead by example, and leave FB for good. Follow Your Intuition My intuition is telling me that it is time to leave FB. Intuition is that whisper in your gut, that gut feeling. It gets drowned out by excess stimulation, as well as the voice of the ego, coming from the head. Furthermore, tapping into your intuition requires being in a state of deep presence, achieved through being in unstimulating environments and connecting with nature. When you tap into your intuition, you attract synchronicities, coincidences that are not coincidences. These synchronicities can lead to beautiful connections and abundance you could never have expected or called in through logic and hard work alone. I know because since embracing my intuition, my life has been a series of neverending synchronicities that has brought unprecedented transformation and happiness. I have since realized that there is a disconnect between synchronicities and technology. Technology, particularly social media, takes you out of presence, thereby silencing your intuition. People my age and younger, growing up with videogames and social media, never get a chance to disconnect from technology and discover they have an intuition, let alone can attract synchronicities. This is perhaps the most exciting thing about permanently disconnecting from FB - to take my synchronicities to another level. While FB did connect me with a lot of opportunities, I have faith in my ability to manifest a new reality without it. Besides, intuition and synchronicity have already manifested beautiful community that takes care of me and brings me countless opportunities. Neglecting these powers would be doing a disservice to myself. Take It Or Leave It I leave you with lessons from the beautiful book, Ishmael . Ishmael is an ape who gains the ability to communicate telepathically with humans, and offers an intelligent third party perspective of human history and current day society. He categorizes society into takers , those who colonize other humans and destroy the environment, and leavers , those who leave mainstream society to create a sustainable society of their own. Ishmael espouses how society's power structures depend on its people's dependence on them to maintain their power. Instead of fighting them, he suggests simply leaving society behind. If enough people did this, these power structures would lose the legs they stand on.
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